Healing is a long journey. Not every day is a step in a more positive direction with less pain, more clarity, and reassurance. Instead, it is often a rollercoaster. Month two has been like the Kingda Ka at Six Flags - not without twists, turns, drops, and terrible scares. But, you just have to keep going and trust that it will get better. This is my month two story of healing from bad TMS treatments.
"The place of true healing is a fierce place. It's a giant place. It's a place of monstrous beauty and endless dark and glimmering light. And you have to work really, really, really hard to get there, but you can do it." ~ Cheryl Strayed
Two month update is here. I'm not sure this last month has felt as much of a whirlwind as the first month. To be honest, I think all of the sleeping and naps during the first month led to time flying by. This time, though, is a different story. I have spent the weeks coordinating doctor visits, called offices to confirm referrals, asked offices to resubmit or update errors to referrals, and I have at least three appointments per week to heal, scan, or update our primary care doctor of my TMS recovery. To say it has been busy is an understatement.
Five Lessons Learned in Month Two:
You have to be your biggest advocate. Even if you sat in the doctor's office to make sure that a referral was written correctly, you still have to call the referred office to ensure that it was done properly. And, expect to call the referring office to fix the mistakes. If you don't, time will pass and you'll be waiting to make an appointment that was never entered correctly.
You have to believe in yourself. This might be one of the greatest mental health challenges for me. As scans are coming back clear, and doctor's are perplexed by my symptoms as I am passing their basic exams and appear "healthy", I now have to believe that what I am feeling is real and not feel that I am being gaslighted just because a diagnosis has not been reached.
Healing takes discipline. While I may not look sick on the outside or people may not believe or understand my symptoms, there is something wrong. The first month of my healing, I pushed through my symptoms and ran A LOT. This month, I tried to be more disciplined and still receive the benefits of movement, but without the detriment to my head.
What works one day may not be what works the next day. This might be a bitter pill to swallow, but healing is not linear and often times, what seemed to help beforehand may not work again or it may be something else that worked and is still unknown. Either way, I am trying to keep a log of how I am feeling, what I've tried, what was different, and maybe find some patterns to reducing my head pain. It's all a process.
Let go of what you can't control. I have faced a few bouts of family drama this past month and as much as I try to work through it, it usually causes a spike in head pain or overall symptoms, so it is best to let it go. Get rid of anything tugging at your heart chakra and focus on your healing. It's easier written and said, but do it to the best of your ability. I wrote a blog post on this very topic - One Tip to Being Free and Releasing Negative Thoughts
As I mentioned above, every day is full of reaching out to doctor offices from confirming referrals and booking appointments to following up to gain access to summary notes. I am also working to gather as many scans and reports as I can so that I can get them to specialty doctor's that are not in-network. It is a constant juggling act because sometimes my head and exhaustion reach a limit after walking the dogs and I feel completely useless for the day. Other days, I jam the days so full that I forget to breathe and the next days are much more painful. One constant: I am not able to do as much nor recover as quickly as before the bad TMS treatment.
To help with not overdoing it, I have aimed at focusing on a new workout plan for the month of August. Well, in all honesty, I started implementing in the middle of August. My friend is in a doctorate physical therapy program and has kindly provided some guidance for my workouts. As much as I want to run and move, I usually do so without regards for my head pain because I crave running and the runner's high. At times, it is a detriment to my head pain, and rarely, I would find a glimpse of less pain and keep running. This workout program that my friend drew up helps keep me accountable and more focused on how my head is feeling during each movement and length of workout.
Workout Outline:
Heart Rate < 140 BPM - Do no exceed
Runs - Run 1 mile and walk 3-5minutes. Run no more than 1 mile at a time and walk at least 3-5 minutes between running. Do not exceed 1 hour on the treadmill. It should not be greater than 5 miles. HR<140. Only 3 days a week and no more.
Weights - 6 exercises of 3x10. Full body focused. Keeping HR<140.
Yoga/Stretching - No inversions. Light movements to loosen up the body
Off-Days - At least two days a week (can include dog walking only)
Avoid - No workouts longer than one hour (outside dog walks), HR>140 (to stay aerobic in order to not deplete oxygen stores), jumping, inversions, speed runs or any run that doesn't include walk breaks and a time limit, no running two days in a row
Notes - Be realistic. Stop if the head pain increases 2 levels on a 1-10 pain scale. Wear a watch for HR. Journal everything to document symptoms
To begin, here's a list of a few high-level topics about how I am healing from the adverse effects of TMS. For more details, keep reading down below.
Symptoms:
Headache - Pain ranges from a cobra-like squeeze around the head to a kettlebell being pressed on top of my head. I still experience the left hemisphere pain eerily similar to TMS session pain. Feel severe stabbing at the dorsolateral cortex.
Cognitive Difficulties - I still feel like Scrabble letters are scattered in my brain and I can't form the right word or even make coherent sentences. Thinking leads to intense pain.
Sensitivity to Light
Irritability to Sound - I have started to wear Loops to help block out the sounds that aggravate or overstimulate my head. For example, I am more aware of the idling of our car and it increases my head pain and also loud shrill barks are not as welcomed anymore.
Exhaustion - I have tried to reduce the number of naps that I take in the day or the length of the naps, but I still wake up feeling like I did not get a wink of sleep - both from the naps and sleep at night.
Body Aches - I still wake up with flu-like symptoms and this usually reoccurs once or twice a week and lasts one to two days at a time.
Very Emotional - I cry at everything from a dropped mug to a sensitive topic and everything in-between. I feel the urge so often that I usually bite the inside of my lip to avoid the waterworks, especially when around friends or strangers.
Minor Loss of Balance and Coordination - This worsens as my headache spikes in pain.
Neck and Mid-back Pain - My neck and mid-back pain has worsened since the first month. I have days where I can't turn my head or move for the fear of my neck snapping, or at least feeling as though it is going to snap in half.
Tests:
CT Scan - Inconclusive.
4-view X-ray - Showed that my cervical spine is straightening due to neck and back muscle tension from the headaches.
MRI both with and without contrast - Nothing found
MRA - neurologist recommended an MRA to look closer at the vessels of the brain. Currently waiting on scheduling. (update TBD)
Neurology - Referred by TMS provider. Passed her neurology exam. Suggested it was either an overstimulated nerve or blood vessel from TMS treatment. She prescribed indomethacin for inflammation.
Out-of-Pocket Neurology - scheduled appointment for first October 13 (update TBD)
Neurology - Referred by primary care doctor (PCM) and scheduled appointment for first available October 23rd (update TBD)
Occupational PT - Finally worked out the referral from our PCM and should be able to schedule shortly. (update TBD)
Treatments: Most of the treatments are the same as the first month.
Acupuncture and UMAC craniosacral therapist
Yoga - slow and meditative focus
Healthy brain foods - walnuts, avocados, coconut, lots of water
Ice and heat administered for head, neck and back - Migraine head wrap for the freezer or microwave and HealthyLine TAO-Mat InfraMat Pro for stone and infrared heat healing
Homeopathic Borion Medication - arnica, Paris quadrifolia, Kali phosphoricum
Tea - mint, turmeric
Aromatherapy and Essential Oils - I use a lavender and peppermint headache stick and often smell like candy cane
Tinctures - Valerian, Brain and Memory (gotu kola, ginko leaf, skullcap, sage and rosemary)
Vitamins - increasing my iron and magnesium intake
Digestive Health Focus - Pre/probiotics, lots of berries, digestive enzymes
Water and electrolytes
What Increases My Head Pain:
Sunlight - I usually enjoy sunshine, but standing in the direct sun causes left hemisphere pain eerily similar to TMS session pain
Lack of Sleep or Too Much Sleep - Lately I have been waking up feeling as though I am not getting a full night's rest and my body feels as though a Mack truck has slammed into it.
Loud Noises - My friends and I went out to dinner and there was a dog sitting behind us who was barking at his owners to give him food - it sent a sharp spark off in my brain like a firework with each demanding bark.
HR > 140 - Now that I am trying to track my heart rate consistently, I have noticed that, even with walking, when my heart rate spikes, I am usually experiencing a severe level of head pain. I can control this with mild workout sessions, but the days I am walking the dogs, I have not been able to pinpoint the cause.
Poor Air Quality - The late summer out in the PNW sometimes lends itself to poor air quality from nearby forest fires. This year, like really all years, was bad. I guess we were luckily that we only had about a week of poor air quality, but it was something that I instantly noticed and set my head on fire.
Here is a look into my journal entries:
Mileage Log - July 31 - August 6
Runs: 42 miles
Walks: 32 miles
Weights: 0 hours
Naps: 9 hours
August 1 - After running too long the day before and pushing through more severe head pain, I woke up feeling sick and had those familiar flu-like symptoms. I walked our dogs 4.4 miles. Once home I tried to implement my friends suggestion and combined walking and running for a total of 5.1 miles. I walked 1.5 miles broken up. I felt tired and exhausted but tried not to sleep in the middle of the day. Of course, once I went to sit down, I fell asleep until my husband got home from work.
August 2 - Wednesdays are usually a busy day for me. I walked the dogs about 4.25 including a 1.25 mile walk for our older dog in the afternoon. I met with my mental health counselor to update her on my TMS medical healing journey as well as my current mental health status. For this chat, I had a little more energy than the month prior but still struggled with exhaustion and by the time I sat down for a chat, all I wanted to do was sleep. Instead of sleeping, I tried to do another run/walk workout, and completed 6 miles (1 mile run:1/2 mile walk).
August 3 - This day was a bit more special than other days as it was my husband and dogs birthday. I decided to push through the neck pain that I was experiencing and make the day as memorable as possible. I went to the hospital for a 4-view X-Ray of my cervical spine and after a quick visit, I walked the dogs 4.13 miles. When home, I started potato soup per my husband's request and while simmering, I hopped on the treadmill to complete 6.5 mile walk/run. After the run, I made dessert - a strawberry shortcake and a vegan cheesecake.
I kept pushing past the head pain and the fogginess. I can always tell that I reached my limit with tasks when I begin to make a mess or constantly drop things when trying to complete simple kitchen tasks. So naturally, it came as no surprise when I plated my husband's birthday dessert perfectly and walked his to him that on my way back to sit with my dessert in-hand, I dropped my plate and watched the shortcake and cream fall to the cushions. I burst into tears partly out of frustration and partly from pure exhaustion and overwork. What a way to end the day!
August 4 - I woke up feeling the pain surge through my body - it was payback from pushing myself too far the day prior. I walked the dogs 4.45 miles and then, completed a 5 mile walk/run on the treadmill. I hoped the time on the treadmill would loosen up my muscles and soothe my neck pain, but instead it tightened even further as if mimicking a Chinese finger trap.
August 5 - My husband and I planned to do something a little more out of the ordinary to celebrate the birthday weekend. I had a whole plan for the day and I was determined to execute the day perfectly, or at least, hide the head pain to the best of my ability. First, we went to a local bakery and picked up a few desserts, donuts, and freshly baked bread. Then, we drove up to a neighboring town and walked the dogs around the pond for 3.16 miles. After, we headed to a waterfall to stick our toes in the water and reconnect with nature. It was a short 1 mile hike to the falls, and after being stuck in the car for one-hour, we stopped in our town and explored the fairy and gnome festival. My husband decided he wanted to sneak in a quick workout, so I joined him on the treadmill for 6 miles (1 mile:1/12 mile). I don't know if it was the change in scenery or the non-stop adventuring but my head pain and dizziness felt less than it had for a month. I was pleased.
August 6 - Together, my husband and I walked the dogs 3.25 miles. We took the rest of the day easy to recover from our adventuring the day before. I watched movies and took a nap on the bed while my husband crossed off some of his to-dos. This felt like the new normal - I slept the majority of the day while the family carried on with weekend activities.
Mileage Log - August 7 - 13
Runs: 25.4 miles
Walks: 25.7 miles
Weights: 30 minutes
Naps: 6 hours
I tried to enjoy a run outside on a trail, and instead of soaking up fresh air, I had the worst head pain from the jostling off the treadmill, too much sunshine, and a higher heart rate than the treadmill.
August 7 - In the morning, my husband and I drove to a neurology appointment with a doctor that was referred by the TMS practitioner. The appointment went well and it was noted that after the neurology consult, I had passed the tests that marked scarier outcomes and that my constant head pain, fogginess, and cognitive difficulties were due to more of an overstimulated blood vessel or nerve from the bad TMS treatment. The doctor prescribed indomethacin which helps with inflammation and referred an MRA, which she hoped would shed light on the overstimulated blood vessel or nerve hypothesis.
We left the appointment feeling hopeful for the MRA and for the plan ahead. My husband went to work and I headed home. I walked the dogs 4.8 miles and then attempted to run 4.2 miles. While on the treadmill, my head pounded and I felt the pain increasing, so I decided to cut the run/walk short. I had plans to clean the house, make dinner, and work but not much was completed.
August 8 - After the neurology appointment, I felt as though my head pain was moving in the right direction. I had a rough afternoon the day prior, but woke up feeling much better. I had a slight headache almost to a dull ache, and my body pains were subtle, almost fatigue-like after a long run rather than a marathon-pain level. I walked the dogs 5.15 miles and in the later morning, walked/ran 6 miles on the treadmill. I instantly hoped in the tub and soaked in Epsom salts while watching a training video on website SEO and other tips. My brain did not tire as quickly as normal, so I watched and took notes until my husband came home from work. It was the most productive and low pain day in the LONG time.
August 9 - I walked the dogs 4 miles in the nature preserve that we often frequent. I had a dental cleaning appointment in the afternoon, so I cleaned the house and knocked out some chores beforehand. The dental cleaning was both overstimulating and painful. I don't like to keep my jaw open that long, but I also do not like the constant scraping and scratching. It hurts. After the dental appointment, my jaw ached and my head throbbed.
My husband and I made a pact to workout together, so I waited for him to get home. He helped design six full-body exercises to do together. After completing 4 exercises in about 30 minutes, we stopped. My head pain began flaring. Upon reflection, I realized that breaking a plane caused dizziness and then, head pain to soar. For example, standing and doing an overhead press and then keeping the arm raised and dropping down into a squat, caused my head pain level to increase. I noted this and sent it to my friend, since she encouraged me to start working on her work-out plan more seriously.
August 10 - I walked the dogs 3.69 miles. In the afternoon, I completed a walk/run for 5 miles that took about 1 hour to complete. I had high hopes for the day, but instead, my attention was sucked elsewhere and entertaining family drama. We all have it. But, some people are better at letting it go than others. I do not always succeed when letting it go. I tried to block it out of my mind, but I was so longing to be heard for once that I let it get the better of me. Read my blog entry about how to let negative thoughts and emotion go, here. This loss of focus on healing caused my head pain, body aches, and other symptoms to sore to the point of waking up hunched over from the pain.
August 11 - As I mentioned, I woke up folded over from the pain. My shoulders shrugged to my ears and rolled in as if protecting me from an incoming punch in the gut. I felt sick but had high hopes for the day. My husband and I walked the dogs for about 4 miles, and then we hit the road to Seattle to see the UMAC therapist.
This time, I planned for the trip better. I packed snacks, heated up some peppermint tea and filled our 96oz canteen full of water and honey. I packed the car with my HealthyLine Magnetic Pillow and Portable Heated Gemstone Neck Wrap to help soothe any neck pain or head pain from the treatment as well as stiffness from the car ride. If you want to learn more about HealthyLine, check out my blog post, here.
When we got to the appointment, I filled in our craniosacral therapist on the few weeks since the last treatment and I truly felt better. I walked into his office and noticed my head pain was at a solid 6/10, which is truly the lowest I can remember up until this time. I was excited and felt that I had made moves to getting better.
After the session, the therapist told me that my head was extremely HOT and inflamed. He also mentioned that he worked a lot of my heart chakra and whatever was causing tension and sadness to LET IT GO. He reminded me that even if scans or other tests had not yet proven my head pain, I have experienced brain trauma and I needed to focus on healing. This was my wake up call to focus on my own personal health and wellness.
August 12 - My husband and I took the dogs to the river for a quick walk before my PCM appointment in the morning. We saw the PCM and updated him on as much as we could and then asked for a few referrals. One, to an Occupational Therapist and the Second, for an MRA since the the neurologist was out-of-network we thought it more difficult to get the MRA approved by insurance. Then, we went back to the river to walk the dogs the same 2-mile loop for thanking them for being so patient during the doctor's appointment. The rest of the day I napped.
August 13 - I was so excited to wake up in the morning because my husband and I planned to walk/run for Harry's bday month at my favorite trail along the river. I registered for a virtual 10k to celebrate Harry Potter's Birthday through Virtual Run Events. This run was going to be a test, not so much on distance, but outside. Ever since my marathon attempt post-TMS, I have only run on the treadmill. I was jazzed to be outside and get to do what I love with my husband and our younger dog. We woke up early, walked our oldest dog, and headed for the trail.
Unfortunately, my head was not on board with the run. I set my Garmin watch to alert me of my heart rate above 140 BPM, and I told my husband that we might need to walk or jog SLOWLY, if I spiked. Well, I spiked each time we ran and swore that I did not feel my head pain rising, so we kept going but steadier and watched the heart rate lower. We walked for about 5 minutes in-between miles and then after 5 miles, we walked the rest of the way back.
After the run, I slept.
Recap:
Average Heart Rate: 132
Max Heart Rate: 172
Average Pace: 15:00/mile
Fastest Split: 11:34/mile
Asphalt was NOT good for the head. Too much bouncing and no shock absorption.
Trail was okay, but not as great as the treadmill.
“It doesn’t matter how fast or how far you’re going. If you’re putting on your shoes and going out for a run, you are a runner, you are in that club.” ~ Kara Goucher, Olympic long-distance runner and bronze medalist of the Boston Marathon
Mileage Log - August 14 - 20
Runs: 7.8 miles
Walks: 27.6 miles
Weights: 1 hour 7 minutes
Yoga: 46 minutes
Naps: 6 hours
We had a high heat week, so I walked REALLY early in the morning to not only benefit the dogs, but also my head pain. I stayed inside the majority of the day and avoided the sun high in the sky.
August 14- I decided to take a recovery day from the Harry Potter virtual race. I walked the dogs 3.41 miles and spent the rest of the day crossing off small tasks around the house like laundry, cleaning, and plants. After each task, I took a moment to rest and sip on tea. My head pain felt like an anaconda was wrapping around my head, my neck felt like steel cables, and my body ached with every move. It was a tough day.
I was determined to let go of all the drama and negative emotion that was haunting me since the week prior, so I wrote everything down and did not look at it. I tried to remind myself with every word that was written down, it was as if they were actively leaving my head. It worked, a little.
August 15 - My husband and I walked the dogs in the morning and found a rocky area to burn the pages. We both decided to practice the exercise and write down all that was bothering us. We watched the pages burn and the smoke rise. It was cathartic to see. The test? If we could truly clear our minds from the haunting thoughts.
Afterwards, I took our youngest dog to the park and walked 4.36 miles. While the dogs slept after breakfast, I snuck in a 1 hour weight lifting and stretching session. I did not exceed a 108 BPM Heart Rate. I spent the time working in squats, weighted one-leg stair steps, arm curls, over head presses, calf raises, side lunges, and a few yoga stretching poses like cat/cow, supine twist, and butterfly.
August 16 - Before my weekly mental health counseling session, I walked our dogs 3.47 miles and hopped on the treadmill for a 5.42 walk/run. When I finally sat down for the meeting, I felt a rush of pain roll over me as if a protective supergirl-like layer faded and my true self was left. My runner's high had left quickly. My health counselor asked me about the week and an update on TMS healing. She couldn't tell how I was feeling, so I tried to clue her in as best as I could. Though I had burned pages only a day prior, she asked for an update on the family situation. And she provided me with the best advice: As much as I want to be heard and deserve to be heard, people who like to control situations and are only happy with things going how they want, will never hear me and I should move on and find people who want to hear me. Everyone deserves to surround themselves with people who love, care, and want to hear them.
August 17 - I walked 4.14 miles with the dogs. I was too tired to attempt any garage gym workouts, so I fit in a 46 min yoga and twisting session while the vegan veggies Mac and Cheese baked for dinner. My head pain felt like a kettlebell was sitting on top and my neck was being compressed down like a slinky. There was an odd heaviness that hovered around my head. There wasn't much moving that I could do without pain.
August 18 - I walked the dogs a total of 6.47 miles. I attempted to give our oldest a break, but after his morning walk, he begged to join in for the later morning with his younger sister. So, he, too, walked very far. While walking at the dog park, I felt the same, intense heaviness and with every step, I felt my brain jostle as if pinging back and forth inside my skull. The sensation made me feel dizzy.
Like before, I tried to break up the awful feeling and head pain with a run on the treadmill. I hopped on thinking that I could push through, but instead, I only completed 2.46 miles. I barely ran (only 1.5 miles) and walked a mile to finish. My head pain was so terrible and my heart rate clued me into the pain level as the second I started running it sky rocketed to 170 BPM. I napped the rest of the day.
August 19 - Because my head pain had not subsided, I only walked the dogs 3.37 miles around our usual terrain in the park. I sat in the tub and soaked in Epsom salts when we got home and I tried to drink cups and cups of detox tea. I attempted to pull the toxins from my body as best as possible. After my bath, I curled up on the bed and tried to watch training videos, but instead, fell asleep.
August 20 - My husband and I walked the dogs 2.67 miles, as far as we could based on the time constraint.
Afterwards, we rushed over to the hospital to make it in time for the MRI appointment. If you never had an MRI before, it lasts for about 25 minutes if you are doing both with and without contrast like me. It is loud so the technician gave me ear plugs. Though I had earplugs, I could still hear and feel the clicking and rotating of the machine. I tried to keep my eyes closed the entire time and work on my yogic breath, but I did mistakingly open my eyes towards the end of the first scan because the sound had subsided and I didn't want to miss the technician adding the contrast into the I.V. Instead, I saw the box frame around my face like a mini white prison and had a moment of claustrophobia, which I tried to breathe through and not squeeze the "get me outta here" button. As far as the contrast goes, I felt as though I wanted to vomit, but the contrast is only 7-9 minutes, so I tried to suppress the feeling and get through the scan.
The MRI showed no abnormal findings.
Mileage Log - August 21 - 27
Runs: 11.5 miles
Walks: 39.5 miles
Weights: 1 hour 33 minutes
Naps: None
My husband, friends, dogs and I took a mini long-weekend vacation for a change of pace. Being with friends was a welcome distraction, but on our way home my head pain and body aches spiked and did not subside the rest of the week.
August 21 - I walked the dogs 5 miles. My headache had improved from the dental pain as well as the craniosacral work. I had recovered from the treatment and my brain had absorbed all the work that was done a couple of weeks prior. I was feeling a bit better so I decided to run/walk 5.75 miles. I felt slight exhaustion after stepping off the treadmill, more so that I used to during my marathon training, but my head pain had not increased while running, so I took that as a win.
August 22 - I walked the dogs for 4.53 miles at the nature preserve. Then, I squeezed in a quick 56 minute upper body weights and lower body yoga session and shower before my lymphatic drainage massage. I was super excited because one of the tips that the UMAC therapist recommended was lymphatic drainage to help my head and neck relieve some of the head pressure from toxins and inflammation.
During the massage, I was wrapped like a burrito in a heating blanket and pretty much sweat what was left of the water I drank during my workout. While I was in a sweat blanket, the massage therapist massaged my face and neck. She then moved to massage my belly and cupped my hips. Once flipped over, she spent the remainder of the time cupping the larger lymphatic draining sites like my armpits, hips and knees. I felt thinner and emptied of toxins once off the table. I even think my shorts fit a little less snug.
My head pain seemed to subside slightly.
August 23 - I walked 4.18 miles with the dogs. As if stuck in a routine, I stepped into our garage gym and knocked out a quick and slow movement lower body weight session for 37 minutes. I focused on keeping my heart rate low and steady. I did not feel like running since the lymphatic drainage massage released toxins, my head felt heavy and was angry. I tend to get over worked in massages, so I focused the rest of the day on taking it easy and increasing my fluid intake to help my body continue to flush my system.
August 24 - Whew! This was a busy day. I walked the dogs 3.2 miles in the am. I then ran 5.83 miles on the treadmill, showered and rushed to my dental appointment where they tended to a few cavities and measured my lower teeth for a mouthpiece. It was noticed during the dental cleaning that I had started to grind my teeth and as a result, I was shaving down my canines and creating a soft pocket for bacteria, and thus, cavities to thrive. Ever since my experience with TMS, I have noticed that I grind my teeth, even during the day because of the pain.
After my dental appointment, I met my friend for a second dog walk for 3.47 miles at the nature preserve to catch up. I met her with a numb mouth and sore jaw. Even still, she understood all I said.
After the walk, I went to the PMC weekly check-in appointment. During the appointment we discussed a few different medication options after indomethacin, as well as updating a few referral errors so I could proceed with booking appointments to other specialty doctors. It was a quick update and hopefully painless for the busy PMC.
August 25 - August 27 - My husband and I drove up to the Olympic Peninsula to meet some friends at an airbnb. We all needed a change of scenery, fresh air, good hikes, lots of laughs, and sunshine. On the way up to the OP, my husband and I broke up the drive with a walk every 45 minutes with dogs from.5 miles to 2.5 miles. Despite the 3 hour drive, we were able to sneak in a lot of mileage. The next morning, we all got ready for a 6.28 miles to a river in the OP. We thought there was going to be an epic bridge and bright blue water, but instead, we made it to a campsite along the water and filled our purified water bottle up with fresh river water and took in the sites. Either way, it was a blast to walk and chat with friends.
Afterwards, we drove to Crescent Lake for a water-filled afternoon of paddle boarding, lazy floating, and watching the dogs fetch sticks. I attempted to cover myself from the sun and wore a hat and sunglasses (which NEVER do). My headache increased more from the hat and sunglass combo than the sun - I am sensitive to weight and pressure around my head.
The last day, we woke up and packed the car to check-out of the airbnb and then headed for the beach. We walked together her on the beach for 2.58 miles. After out morning stroll, we went our separate ways and headed back home. My husband and I stopped halfway at a lake to rinse the dogs and get as much saltwater and sand out of their coats as possible. While the rest of the trip, my head pain was tolerable (no more than a 5 except for the car ride up to the OP), once at the lake it soared to an 8 and I was terribly uncomfortable and irritable. My neck felt best at my shoulders like a turtle sinking back into its shell for protection.
It made for a terribly rough night.
Mileage Log - August 28 - 31
Runs: 5 miles
Walks: 18.3 miles
Weights: 45 minutes
Naps: 6 hours
By the end of the week, we experienced poor air quality from the surrounding forest fires. When my husband left for work, just the simple opening of our front door sent my head pain spiking. I am amazed just how sensitive I am ever since TMS.
August 28 - I walked the dogs 4.27 miles in the morning. After the walk, I tried to shake off the pain and run. Once on the treadmill, I stopped after 2 minutes. I walked a warm-up and then once I started jogging, I instantly stopped after minutes. It was not the day. My head pain was high and I couldn't bare the bobbing, even the treadmill bobbing. I decided to take a bath and then laid on the massage table and fell asleep to Gilmore Girls. My head felt like intense pressure, throbbing, and as if a nail was being jabbed into both ears.
August 29 - I walked the dogs in the morning 3.63 miles. Once home, I carved out as much time as possible to move and did 45 minutes of weights and yoga for spine. My head was still unhappy, so I tried to keep my movements simple as to not agitate. This was the first weeks in since my marathon attempt post-TMS that I had not run for days and days, so I craved movement to the best of my ability. In the afternoon marked my second lymphatic drainage massage. The therapist focused solely on my head and neck for one hour. I felt relaxed. My head, laying on the table felt like a pressure cooker about to explode. As she spent time opening up the lymph drainage at my neck, and opened up the passages along my face, I felt a slight release in pressure and I was so relieved. I went from a pressure cooker to hot water locked in a jar with a tight lid. It was better.
Immediately after the massage my head pain soared and my body ached. I tried to pound water, tear, and electrolytes, but my pains only increased.
August 30 - I walked the dogs 5.5 miles. During our walk, we linked up with a familiar doggie friend, a golden doddle. And the last mile and a half, my husband joined after his doctor's appointment. Then, we both came home and worked on the computer for as long as our heads and eyeballs allowed (he, of course, out lasted me). My body still ached, so much so that I could not turn my head to the left and I struggled to get out of bed. Each movement caused pain and sharp stabbing, so I tried to hunker down for the rest of the night.
August 31 - I woke up feeling an intense amount of body aches and pains. I was not sure if the pain stemmed from the lymphatic drainage massage of my head and neck, or if my sleep positions have been odd, but either way, pain level felt like the flu. The air quality was particularly poor, even though raining. The dog walk proved difficult because of the fire smoke was wafting over our town. I hopped on the treadmill when I got home to try and move through and sweat out the extra toxins since I had not been able to workout from the level of head pain. Once finished, I felt worse, like I was carrying around a sumo wrestler on my head.
Takeaway from my Second Month of Healing: While I have several lessons learned from this past month of healing, the biggest takeaway that I have to keep reminding myself is of my own truth. Not everyone may believe you or find scientific evidence to your pains and trauma, but that does not mean that it is NOT REAL. Only you know your truth. The most important piece to healing is believing in yourself and staying on a true path of health and wellness. I personally believe in a holistic approach to wellness and that is what I have primarily focused my journey on, but I am still searching for that evidence, only I am trying not to make it the focus nor the proof I need to know that I was injured by TMS.
If you are interested in continuing to follow along on my journey to heal from TMS, please keep an eye out on my blog as I plan to post more updates as I can. Thank you for following along thus far.
All my light. All my love. Namaste.
Jordan
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